Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize