I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
