Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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