I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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