so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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