im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
