he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
