Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
