did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
