Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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