Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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