Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
