I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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