My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize