just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
