i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
