the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
