Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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