I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
