Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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