I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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