a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
