kristin has been a bad kristin
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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