If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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