i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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