Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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