Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
