Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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