Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
