There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
