just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
