I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mom said you looked used
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
