remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
