3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
