it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
