There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
