please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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