you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
