eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
