I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
