I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize