Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
