Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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