You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
