after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
