is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize