Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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