you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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