Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Go christen that room with your naked body.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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