ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
