She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
