Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
