I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
