remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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