I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
