So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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