If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize