Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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