We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
