I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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