Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
