I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
