This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
