found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
