having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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