dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
