small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
