Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
