Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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