haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
