I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
