wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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