drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
