I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
