You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
