You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
